Decisions

Written by: LJ

Thanks to D’be-D’be, EJkates, and Cora for all their help and support. I would not have attempted this without them.


Arriving home one day earlier than expected, Rowan patiently waited for the taxi-driver to remove his suitcase from the trunk of the cab and set it on the sidewalk. After paying the fare, he walked up the path towards the house.

‘God, it’s good to be home!’ he thought as he got closer to his front door and pulled out his keys. He had been away four very-long weeks this trip and was seriously considering a new position offered him that would involve a lot less travelling. At this moment it sounded rather appealing.

Rowan, an aviation engineer, was a trouble-shooter for a large airline company. He enjoyed the challenges his work regularly provided him with and although not yet thirty, he had made a name for himself in a profession he had dreamed about all his life. He had studied hard, graduated at the top of his class in university and was securely settled in a job of his choice. With the help of a small inheritance, he had been able to put a down payment on his own home; a three-bedroom, Tudor-style cottage just outside city limits where the feeling of country-living prevailed. For several years he had been providing accommodations for students attending a nearby university but had recently decided he wanted to have his home to himself. Now only young Darby remained until his graduation in two months time.

Rowan softly closed the door and after setting his luggage and briefcase on the floor, he let the peace and quiet of his home gradually settle around him before stepping into the living room.

‘What the hell!’ he thought and stopped short. He was unable to believe his eyes at the sight that greeted him. The room was a disaster area. Books and papers scattered everywhere with a generous mixture of soiled clothing and take-out food containers. Walking towards the back of the house, he noticed his study was in a similar order of disarray. The kitchen was even worse. Just about every piece of cutlery, glassware and china he owned was dirty and piled on top of the counters and table. The sink was filled to overflowing with used pots and pans. Rowan strongly suspected he’d stick to the floor if he tried to walk on it.

It was too much! Exhausted from the long red-eye flight across country, Rowan decided to leave everything as it was and go upstairs for a shower and some badly needed sleep. Thankfully his room and en suite was the way he had left it almost a month ago, pristine clean with everything in place. After showering and changing into clean boxers, Rowan climbed into bed and immediately fell asleep.

************

Waking a few hours later and glancing at the clock on his night table, Rowan discovered it was just after two o’clock in the afternoon. Getting out of bed, he put on a pair of sweat pants and T-shirt. He now felt refreshed enough to deal with the chaos awaiting him downstairs. After a quick snack, he spent the next two hours working hard to restore order to his home.

Rowan finished up the last load of laundry and began wondered where Darby was. He thought his friend would be home by now as it was almost suppertime. He also expected the young man to shed some light on what had occurred during his absence.

Of course, Darby being late was not a surprise. Most days the young student appeared to live in a time zone of his own. Unless it concerned his music, he was easily distracted and often forgetful. He never considered someone might be worrying about him. Darby had moved onto Rowan’s home at the start of last fall’s semester. Over time Rowan slowly began to see just how young and vulnerable his newest roomer was. At times Darby would whole-heartedly join in the activities of the other students living in the house but more often than not he would stand by looking shy and unsure of himself. Whenever Rowan noticed Darby quietly watching from the sidelines, he made sure to get the young man involved in whatever was going on. Rowan found himself looking out for Darby and he looked forward to seeing his young friend as often as their busy schedules would permit.

Rowan was aroused from his musings by the ringing of the phone. Quickly grabbing up the receiver, he didn’t even get the opportunity to say ‘Hello’ before hearing the excited voice of a stranger.

“Hi, Darby. Just calling to see how you are feeling. Is everything okay now?”

“Excuse me, miss. Darby is not here at the moment. This is Rowan Kincaide speaking.”

“Oh! I thought Darby would be home from the hospital by now.”

“Who is this please, and what makes you think Darby was in the hospital?”

“My name is Shelley and I’m a classmate of Darby’s. This morning during second class, he passed out and 911 was called.”

“Are you positive he was taken to the hospital?” Rowan questioned further, his concern apparent.

“Hmmm, I am pretty sure he was taken to St. Luke’s.”

“Only ‘pretty sure’, Shelley?”

“No, I’m positive he was taken there.”

“Thank you! I’ll let Darby know you called.” Rowan was anxious to end the conversation so he could get to the bottom of this unexpected and disturbing news. Collecting his keys off the bookcase and shouldering into his jacket, Rowan left the house and headed for the hospital.

************

Immediately upon arriving at his destination, Rowan walked up to the nurses’ station in the emergency room. “Pardon me! My name is Rowan Kincaide. Would you be able to tell me if a young man by the name of Darby Madison was brought in here earlier today?”

“Are you a relative?”

“No, but I just received a call from someone at the University telling me he had passed out during class and had been brought here.”

“Then are you responsible for him?”

“Yes!” Rowan didn’t even stop to think about how accurate or inaccurate his answer was. He just knew he had to see Darby and find out for himself how the young man was doing.

“All right, Mr. Kincaide. Mr. Madison has been moved to our observation unit and is in room 412.”

It took Rowan several minutes to locate the correct room. He paused briefly outside the door to gather his thoughts before quietly pushing it open, walking into the room and over to the only occupied bed. ‘It’s strange,’ he thought, looking down at the young man curled up on his side, peacefully sleeping, ‘how a hospital bed can make a person appear even smaller than they really are.’

Rowan tenderly brushed the auburn hair off Darby’s forehead. He knew his feelings for the younger man went far deeper than mere concern. As he watched Darby sleeping, the bigger man thought back to last summer and the day they had been introduced by a former roomer. He had felt an immediate attraction to the good-looking, young man but had pushed it aside. Although he suspected, he wasn’t positive about Darby’s sexual orientation. But now he knew. He though of all the changes he wanted to make in his life and how this young man in only a few months had worked his way into his life and his heart. As a result of his feelings for Darby, he had decided to stop providing rooms for other students. He still wasn’t sure if his feelings were returned. However, he did know the two of them got along well and enjoyed each other’s company. The question was, would the younger man want more than friendship? Rowan certainly hoped so, because he had finally decided it was time to tell Darby he loved him.

Rowan looked into Darby’s face to see two sleepy, green eyes staring up at him. He became aware of gently rubbing Darby’s thigh and the soft stroking had awakened the young man.

“Rowan, is it really you?” Darby whispered.

“Yes, Beethoven, it’s really me,” Rowan answered with a smile, using the nickname he had given the music student. He was happy to see his young friend again.

“How did you know I was here?” Darby asked, rolling over onto his back. He was unsure if he should be relieved or apprehensive about Rowan finding him in the hospital.

“Your friend, Shelley, called for you and she told me what happened in class this morning and where I would find you. Does the doctor know what is wrong?” Rowan sat down on the side of the bed and watched as Darby concentrated on picking nervously at the frayed edges of his blanket.

Darby was worried about how the man sitting beside him was going to respond when he learned why Darby had ended up here. He was afraid Rowan would be disappointed by his inability to take proper care of himself when alone and in his behaviour when feeling overwhelmed. He remembered the times they had spent together since he had moved into Rowan’s home and although those times had been less often than he would have liked; he had been happy and comfortable with Rowan. Darby felt he was special when he was with the other man. For a while now, he had hoped Rowan would one-day want to be more than a good friend. He was in love with Rowan and the older man’s opinion was important to him. Looking up through long lashes, Darby saw Rowan patiently waiting for an answer.

“The doctor said I was anemic or something. I just had a weak spell and fainted. That’s all! Nothing serious! He said I could leave if I had someone to stay with but I told him I didn’t expect you home until tomorrow. That’s the only reason I’m still here. It’s no big deal! Really!” Darby poured out the words as fast as he could, then expelled a deep sigh and waited for Rowan’s reaction.

“How did this happen? The average, healthy person does not get this run-down in just a few days.”

“Well, I guess I haven’t been eating or sleeping properly over the past few weeks,” Darby explained as he adjusted the head of the bed to a sitting position.

“Why not? There was plenty of food in the house and you have a perfectly good bed.” Rowan didn’t think this was all there was to it and his voice gradually got firmer. “Is there something else you are not telling me.”

“No! I got tired of cooking and couldn’t be bothered cleaning-up. I don’t like being by myself so much.” Darby was feeling frustrated and wanted the conversation to end.

Unfortunately, Rowan still wanted more answers. “Darby, you have been alone before and are more than capable of taking care of yourself.” Rowan put his hand under Darby’s chin and gently raised his head until they were face to face. “And, young man, I am still waiting for a proper explanation.”

Darby shifted uncomfortably before blurting out; “It’s not my fault! You’ve been away so much lately, even more than last fall. I just don’t like being alone.” The belligerent attitude slowly faded as Darby looked through tear-filled green eyes into the dark blue eyes in front of him and Rowan almost missed the whispered; “I missed you.”

“How about us finding out if you can come home with me tonight? I’ll go ask the nurse if it’s all right while you get your things together,” Rowan suggested when he realized this conversation would be better had at home. He considered Darby’s beaming smile an affirmative answer.

Once he learned his patient would not be returning home alone; the doctor willingly signed Darby out of the hospital.

************

The drive home had been quiet due to a mutual agreement to talk about today’s events only after they had eaten and were comfortably seated in their own living room. Upon their arrival home, Rowan sent Darby upstairs to shower and change while he heated some soup and made sandwiches.

With the companionable meal behind them, both men settled on the sofa with one at each end facing one another.
Rowan decided to speak first. “Let’s see if I’ve got this right. Due to the inadequate eating and sleeping habits you have developed recently, you are now anemic, undernourished and physically exhausted. Fortunately, according to the doctor, modifying your bad habits will alleviate the resulting health problems. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to start eating nutritious, well-balanced meals and getting at least eight hours sleep a night.”

Not getting a response from the other man, Rowan continued. “Now, young man, are you prepared to follow the doctor’s orders on your own or do you want some help? I’m offering whatever support you need but you have to tell me what you would like from me.”

Rowan waited silently for Darby to answer. All he got was a sigh and shrugged shoulders from the figure sitting in front of him. He moved closer to gently put his hand on Darby’s knee and gave it a slight shake. “Please answer me. I can’t assist you if you don’t talk to me.”

“I-I want you and need you to help me. I’m so tired of trying to do everything by myself. I don’t even understand why I feel this way,” Darby spoke quietly.

“These feelings probably had something to do with the shambles I found the house in,” Rowan calmly stated. “You’ve not only been too overwhelmed to take care of yourself but also to care for our home.”

The two men looked searchingly at each other. Rowan saw a youthful face of confusion and loneliness. Darby saw a face of caring and understanding. Rowan saw beautiful green eyes filling up with tears. Darby saw dark blue eyes gently smiling down at him, offering help and encouragement.

Rowan reached for the younger man and pulled him on to his lap. Darby immediately relaxed into the safe haven provided by the strong arms holding him. “We have some decisions to make concerning the kind of relationship we would like to build together, but I think it should be left until the morning,” Rowan spoke softly against the head resting on his shoulder and Darby nodded his agreement.

************

Rowan was up and dressed by seven o’clock the next morning. He knocked on Darby’s door and without waiting for a response, entered the young man’s bedroom. “Rise and shine, Beethoven. Let’s get this day started,” he suggested and pushed up the blind to let the sunshine light up the room.

A groan was the only response from Darby who was trying to bury his head under his pillow.

“Come on,” Rowan laughed as he pulled back the blankets and tickled the young man’s feet. “You’ll find clean clothes in the basket next to your dresser. I want you downstairs in ten minutes. By then, I’ll have breakfast ready.”

Rowan started scrambling eggs and let his thoughts wander back to the previous evening. He had stayed up long after Darby was asleep because he wanted to be sure in his own mind what type of relationship would meet both his and Darby’s needs. He knew what he wanted and was confident of what Darby needed but he had to figure out a way to approach these issues with the man he planned on asking to be his partner. He could no longer sit back and watch Darby self-destruct.

Just as Rowan set the plates on the table, he heard Darby thumping down the stairs and two seconds later his arms were filled with a bouncing young man. They hugged then sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy breakfast together. When they had finished their meal, Rowan took Darby’s hand and led him into the living room where they settled back on the sofa to relax and talk things over while enjoying a second cup of coffee.

“What classes do you have today, Darby?” Rowan asked and took a sip of his drink.

“Only English Lit at one o’clock. I should be home by three at the latest.” Darby wondered if Rowan had any plans for the day. He really wanted to spend some time with him.

“In that case, we have the rest of the morning together because I am not going into the office until this afternoon.” Rowan decided to cut right to the chase, “Now, young man, I understand your feelings of loneliness over the past few months, but not taking care of yourself is unacceptable as is the condition you let our home get into. I’m also aware of this not being the first time you have ignored your health due to a bad habit of putting everything else first, especially your music. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” he asked unsympathetically.

“No, except I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you,” Darby answered in a small, embarrassed voice as he shook his head while keeping his eyes lowered. “I never wanted to do that.”

“There is nothing you could do to make me disappointed in you. I might be displeased with your conduct, but never in you. And it is time for this destructive behaviour of yours to come to a screeching halt,” Rowan gently admonished the younger man. “I love you, Darby. I want you in my life as my partner, my lover and my best friend. I think that is what you want as well, isn’t it?”

Darby searched Rowan’s face to find all the love, acceptance and assurance he was seeking before softly whispering ‘yes’ with a heart-felt sigh. Darby knew he wanted to be with this man for the rest of his life.

Rowan placed their empty mugs on the coffee table and moved closer to speak softly to the young man beside him. “Darby, I want-I need someone to come home to; someone to share with; someone to love and take care of. I think you need someone you can love; someone to be there for you; someone who will help you when you are feeling frightened because things are getting out of control, and you need someone who makes you feel safe. You also need boundaries to make you know you are cared for and looked after. These are things we can work on together. Is this all right with you?” At Darby’s nod, Rowan patiently continued. “I want you to be sure and to feel free to talk about any of this.”

Once again Darby only nodded, so once again Rowan continued. “You have a follow-up appointment at the hospital in four weeks, so for the next month I’m going to assume the responsibility for meals and seeing to it you are in bed by eleven o’clock on school nights. We can review this after your check-up. You on the other hand, because of the chaos I had to deal with yesterday, are going to be responsible for keeping the kitchen clean and all the laundry done up for this same period of time. Let me warn you, young man, our home had better never get in a similar condition,” Rowan stated firmly. “Do you have a problem with any of this so far?”

“I guess not,” Darby answered. “But aren’t you going to be away on business most of the time?” He was worried about being left on his own again.

“No. I’ve been offered a new position involving very little, if any, traveling. I’ll be informing upper management of my decision to accept their offer when I go to the office later today.” Smiling and pulling his new partner-to-be onto his lap, Rowan asked, “What do you think of that decision?”

Darby threw his arms around Rowan’s neck and cried, “I love it and I love you!”

Rowan gently kissed Darby’s lips to seal their new agreement before speaking quietly against the head resting on his shoulder. “We still have to set up some rules and guidelines for what behaviour is or isn’t acceptable and what the consequences are for breaking the rules. But we can work it all out gradually as we become better acquainted with one another. For now, it’s enough to know we have each other.”

“How come,” Darby spoke from his perch on Rowan’s lap, “you’ve made all the decisions so far?”

“Darby, nothing is cast in stone. I’m more than happy to listen to your opinions on anything. I expect you to be an equal partner in this relationship and take part in all decision making.”

“Okay, then I’ve made a decision!” Darby lifted his head off Rowan’s shoulder and looked pointedly at the older man. “I’ve decided I really like it here!”

“Here? As in….here in this part of the country, here in this city, or here in this house?” Rowan worked at keeping a straight face as he looked into eyes sparkling with an equal mixture of happiness and mischief.

“No! I mean right here where I’m sitting.” Darby snuggled into Rowan’s neck, laughing when the other man chuckled and tickled him in the ribs.

Rowan got the message. He recognized Darby’s acknowledgement and acceptance of their new relationship. Smiling as he pulled his new partner closer, Rowan dropped a kiss onto Darby’s head and whispered, “Yeah! That’s a really good decision!”

The End